Goodbye, Jerry

"The Long Boat," A Poem for Jerry: In Words of Poet Kunitz, He is at Peace and Rocked by the Infinite

 

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Photo 1: Rev. Rob Eller-Isaacs, from church website. Photo 2: Poet Stanley Kunitz, from Wikipedia.

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 We're coming close to the first anniversary of Dad's death. I've been cleaning my desk and touching a surprising number of things that were his. Even in cyberspace — I discovered some online storage where I had stuck a large amount of material from the hard drive of his computer. It seemed funny yesterday to read the titles of Dad's computer files. They were so obviously his — files about soups, law, religion, and poems.

Mom's been cleaning out some of Dad's stuff from their condo in Norwalk lately. And she's been traveling, too.

In Minneapolis on September 14, 2010, she met with one of Dad's longtime friends in the Unitarian Universalist movement, the Rev. Rob Eller-Isaascs, co-minister of Unity Church - Unitarian in Saint Paul, Minnesota. She reported, "Rob Eller-Isaacs sat me down in his office on Tuesday evening and read aloud this poem, which he said reminded him of Jerry."

The poem is "The Long Boat," by Stanley Kunitz.

When his boat snapped loose
from its mooring, under
the screaking of the gulls,
he tried at first to wave
to his dear ones on shore,
but in the rolling fog
they had already lost their faces.
Too tired even to choose
between jumping and calling,
somehow he felt absolved and free
of his burdens, those mottoes
stamped on his name-tag:
conscience, ambition, and all
that caring.
He was content to lie down
with the family ghosts
In the slop of his cradle,
buffered by the storm,
endlessly drifting.
Peace! Peace!
To be rocked by the Infinite!
As if it didn’t matter
which way was home;
as if he didn’t know
he loved the earth so much
he wanted to stay forever.

Jerry, Paul, Judy, and Don — With Paul Looking Like John

On Saturday, August 21, family gathered at the Washington Square Park, Manhattan, apartment of my father's Aunt Rebecca. Rebecca Rosenberg Dawidoff Rolland died this summer, age 102.

In the rolodex of family snapshots on her desk, I found this photo and received permission from Cousin Judith Dawidoff Fresco to keep it and show it to the rest of the family (and whomever else is reading).

The occasion is Judy's confirmation at a Jewish center on the North Shore of Long Island — was it in Glen Cove, she said? We have Paul Davidoff and Jerry Davidoff flanking their cousin, Judy. Judy's brother, Don, is behind her. He's as tall as the rest of them, so he seems to be clowning for the photo, bending down to hide behind his sister.

The remarkable aspect of this photo is how much John Davidoff resembles Paul Davidoff in this photo. The affect seen in Paul is similar to the affect John showed, even on Sunday at Rebecca's apartment.

John — I spotted this photo 15 minutes after Jacki and you departed for LaGuardia. I wish I had seen it soon enough to share the original with you.

— Doug Davidoff

Facebook Messages to Jerry

Dad died just as Facebook was exploding into the American online consciousness. Yes, he had a Facebook page, and a few dozen Facebook friends already. Some left messages for him just after his death.

I've been cleaning up Dad's Facebook page prior to shutting it down. So I want to take time to recognize some greetings left on his Facebook wall.

From Daniel O'Connell: Jerry, I will never forget you: your smile, your questions, your deep & gravelly voice, the shy and quiet love you had for so many things. You were a mentor to so many of us. If to live in hearts that love means a degree of immortality, than you have gone above and beyond that. May your widow find solace & comfort in the deep knowledge of how many lives you have touched. See you on the other side, brother.

From Cynthia Kane: My Dear First Questioner -- I will forever recall you telling me before my MFC interview to go in there and give one for the Gipper. Thank you. You were a blessing to UUism, liberal religion, and the cause of justice and wholeness. You will be missed.

From Doug Jones: Via con Dios, Jerry.

 From Valerie Mapstone Ackerman: Condolences to the family.

Thanks to these people for their condolences at Dad's Facebook page.

— Doug Davidoff

Jerry's Plaque Installed at Unitarian Church in Westport

Mom informs me that the plaque is now installed on the place where we scattered some of Dad's cremains in the Memorial Garden of the Unitarian Church in Westport. Mom plans to see it for the first time this weekend.

— Doug Davidoff

Architecture in Jerry's Westport World

I'm certain that psychology has a name for the concept of a child separating himself or herself from a parent. But I cannot remember the name of the concept. Whatever it's called, it has been blurring my judgement for the past few minutes. I have debated whether to write about architecture in Westport in this blog about my father or whether to write in my personal blog.

I've decided to put the information here, because every building mentioned has a direct connection with Dad. If someone knows the name of the psychological concept I've been wrestling with, please let me know in a comment.

Ahem. About architecture. Yes!

Dad had a genuine appreciation for architecture and the quality of the built environment. He appreciated architecture through the ages and reveled in pointing it out to John and me. He liked architects and their work locally in Westport. He enjoyed framing his opinion of cities around their architecture. It pleased me that he liked the contemporary and historic architecture in Indianapolis during the time I lived there, and it pleased me a lot that he so enjoyed visiting the architectural gems created by the generosity of J. Irwin Miller in Columbus, Indiana.

So, in reading Dan Woog's post about the Westport Historical Society's exhibit "Westport Modern: When Cool was Hot!" it's intriguing to me that every building mentioned by Dan or by other people in the comments is a building that Dad interacted with. There's a reference in the comments to the County Federal building, which was built by the owners of the savings bank of the same name to replace the bank building that burned in 1966, taking Dad's law office with it. There are a few references to Hillspoint Elementary School. As a member of the Westport Board of Education, Dad was a steward of that building. He may have been on the board when the decision was made to close the school.

I wrote in the comments to Dan's post about Mildred and Bernie Davidoff's house, "The Barn."

 And, of course, few buildings were more important to Dad than the Unitarian Church in Westport. More, he also drove past the Civkin-designed home of the Schines at 6 High Point Road on his way up to our house at 20 High Point Road and counted the owners of Number 6, Joel and Rena Schine, among his friends.

Needless to say, I am eager to revisit Westport and view "Westport Modern: When Cool was Hot!"

— Doug Davidoff